The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of attraction, click over here now excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .

But when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of look at this website his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay males wish to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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